The Art Of Letting Go

Dale teaches us a lesson in what it truly means to let go.

While writing that post on Shane’s shifting wardrobe, I was struck by how necessary it was to discuss Dale, and decided to take a closer look at her role in Signed, Sealed, Delivered: Home Again. It immediately became clear that if there was one person who responded correctly to the relationship realities they encountered in every way, it was Dale Travers. The last time we saw Dale was at the end of Lost Without You, as she gracefully directed Oliver towards Shane, a first step towards letting him go. In Home Again, Dale completed the process of “letting go.” Her ability to “care more for the beloved than [for herself]” enabled her to make peace with Oliver and Shane, guiding them together in an expected way.

Ground Floor Guidance (Dale & Oliver)

Dale and Oliver’s conversation in the lobby of the State Division of Investigations actually spoke volumes about Dale’s evolved perspective on her relationship with Oliver, particularly where Shane was involved.

First, I’d like to acknowledge the fact that Dale is the first person in this film to hear about Norman and Rita’s engagement and respond correctly. “That’s wonderful. Congrats,” is literally all the reaction either one of them were looking for, yet she was perhaps the only to fully and completely express it.

Having addressed Norman, it was natural to ask about the other person noticeably missing---Shane. A simple question, Oliver’s response immediately signaled something about the question made him uncomfortable. And what I love about Dale is that she didn’t avoid the conversation---she pressed into it.

There is something to be inferred about Dale’s state of mind---and heart---in this moment. During the intervening time between Lost Without You and Home Again, Dale made peace with the fact that “nothing [was finally] happen[ing]” between her and Oliver. Her admission that “[she] figured” meant she had already embraced the possibility and began the process of accepting the reality in her heart. We may never know the exact mechanism through which this soul-searching occurred, but the evidence of it, and the peace it produced, were on full display in the lobby as we watched Dale “let go” of Oliver.

The last time we saw Dale...

By telling Oliver “it’s okay to say it,” Dale gave him freedom to own the fact him and Shane were “a thing”---that their relationship had evolved in a way that made it impossible for she and Oliver to have a future together. Dale even declared she “was really happy for [him],” not only encouraging Oliver to move on and pursue Shane, but supporting him in doing so. It would have been very easy to leave it at that, instead Dale took things one step further by logically demonstrating why Shane is exactly what he needed.

Though Oliver didn’t seem to know it, Dale understood that Oliver needed, “somebody like Shane to shake [him] up a little.” Because Dale and Oliver both “solve their problems by finding where the lines are and following the rules,” it was clear to Dale she was incapable of “shak[ing] [Oliver] up” in the way he needed. Shane, however, “colors outside the lines.” And while Oliver was quick to call the product of “put[ting] [him and Shane] together” in this context “a mess,” Dale challenged him to see the contrast as “something beautiful.” This perspective provided Oliver a critical lense for viewing, and operating in, his relationship with Shane.​

Lines, Rules & Colors
What struck me about this brief exchange about lines, rules and colors is that it contained a considerable amount of depth that reached to the core nature of Shane and Oliver’s relationship, which Dale seemed to intuitively grasp and apply wisdom to.

In order for Shane to “color outside the lines”---and break the rules---there had to be someone to draw or identify those lines or rules, and Oliver has always been that someone. Similarly, in order for Oliver to grow, he needed someone to challenge those drawn or identified lines, which Shane has always done. It’s a cyclical push-pull exchange that causes each of them to grow. Naturally resistant to that cycle and the “shak[ing] up” it often produces, Oliver, perhaps jokingly, identified it as “a mess.” Dale, however, had the peace and presence of mind to gently confront that resistance and call it “beautiful.”

By calling the collective nature of the push-pull “beautiful,” Dale subsequently labeled “finding the lines and following the rules,” and “coloring outside the lines”/breaking the rules, as positive elements that should be equally embraced. The association is key, because it called Oliver to embrace and honor “coloring outside the lines,” and breaking the rules, in the context of his relationship with Shane. Being two of Shane’s key traits, Dale ultimately called Oliver to embrace and honor Shane herself.

Although Dale likely wasn’t cognizant of the depth of understanding she possessed, her articulation of the concept of lines, rules and colors had a profound impact on shaping Oliver’s relationship with Shane.

An Unexpected Consequence (Oliver & Shane)

By letting go of Oliver, Dale freed him to leave her behind and focus on properly establishing his relationship with Shane, a process we got a glimpse of as Shane and Oliver walked the Kellser farm discerning between “a thing” and “going steady.”

As discussed in Fit To Frame: Shane’s Home Again Wardrobe, Shane’s uneasiness about the reintroduction of Dale to the picture caused her to begin testing the boundaries of her relationship with Oliver in a variety of ways. It’s important to note that all of Oliver’s responses to these efforts were informed, likely subconsciously, by Dale’s encouragement to embrace Shane’s tendency to “color outside the lines,” which, early on, caused him to concede or acquiesce to her every advance. ​

When Oliver took initiative to “find the lines and [create] the rules,” however, it was because his discussion with Dale provided him the freedom and a vocabulary to do so. Oliver admitted the connection to his encounter with Dale when he revealed to Shane that he “told Dale [they] were ‘a thing.’” In this context, Oliver drew a line designed not to inhibit Shane, but to create a safe and protected space within which their relationship could exist without outside influence (Dale), the exact thing Shane aimed to establish with her boundary testing. With the boundaries lines of her relationship with Oliver clarified, Shane became free to make peace with Dale in her own right.

Once a cause of instability, Dale’s ability to “let go” ultimately helped clarify and establish Shane and Oliver’s relationship. ​

Closing The Loop (Shane & Dale)

Despite making peace and letting go of Oliver, I’m sure Dale wasn’t expecting to hear from Shane. And yet when Shane discovered that the Kellser vase was likely stolen, Dale is exactly to whom she reached out.

Interestingly, Shane came to Dale with “a mess.” While “most people wouldn’t have thought to make the connection,” Shane’s ability to “think outside the box” presented her with a difficult truth where the vase was concerned. What’s key about this moment is how Dale heard Shane’s apparent hesitation to claim her unique train of thought and labeled it “a good thing.” Though subtle, Dale encouraged Shane to own this trait and gave it positive attribution as well.

Once again, it would have been very easy for Dale to allow the conversation to end with Shane’s comment, “Now we have to find a way to break it to the Kellsers.” Instead, Dale chose to pick up on the “we” and reassure Shane that “[she and Oliver] would find it” and “do just fine.” Because Dale accepted that Shane was what Oliver truly needed in his life, she was able to recognize and honor Shane’s ability to “think outside the box” in this case. And although that ability subsequently opened the Kellser case to “a mess,” Dale encouraged Shane to lean into Oliver in the midst of the “mess” to find the solution. Once counseling Oliver in how to relate to Shane, Dale was now inviting Shane to engage Oliver in the same manner. More importantly, to “do just fine” meant Dale expected a positive outcome for the pair.

Whether Dale meant to intentionally close the loop on pointing Oliver and Shane to each other is unclear, but her actions certainly advanced that outcome, and gave Dale the opportunity to prove the totality with which she was able to let go of Oliver.

Understanding she was not what Oliver truly needed, she not only pointed him towards Shane, but encouraged him to pursue her in a way that embraced their differences while growing their bond. When given the opportunity, Dale encouraged Shane to do the same. It’s a measure of love that few possess, but which Dale thoroughly illustrated in Home Again.

The "why" of Dale's actions in Home Again, however, still require some explanation. Come back tomorrow for more!

Coloring It In,
~C

The Art Of Letting Go: Part I | Part II

P.S. We're down to the FINAL ROUND of Mailbox Madness and voting opened this morning. See which quotes made it to the Big Dance and how to participate here.