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Art always has a way of imitating life if we're brave enough to make the connection, because often what we discover causes us to see some aspect of ourselves reflected in the art itself. For Marybeth, this meant finding healing in the reflection, as she shares in this week's Living Letter.
Nothing I have ever watched on TV has resonated as deeply in me as has Signed, Sealed, Delivered. I discovered it shortly before From Paris With Love premiered in June 2015 and I knew enough about Oliver from the episodes I had seen to know who that visitor from Paris was going to be. It was hard to watch Oliver struggle to accept the fact that his marriage would be ending in a divorce. He had valiantly stayed true to his vows, understanding their importance, even as he grappled with the pain of his wife’s abandonment and the nagging thought that he might have contributed to the problem. I understood when he told Shane that he believed his reluctance to take the dance lessons his wife had given him as a gift might have contributed to her dissatisfaction with their marriage. I could relate, even though the divorce that ended my marriage was years in the past and my children were now young adults.
My four kids were 3 to 13 when I initiated the divorce. Their dad, though he was well-employed and had not physically abandoned us as Holly had abandoned Oliver, was “absent” due to alcohol abuse. I had been dealing with the chaos the abuse created in our home for a long time before I took legal action. Still, he insisted I was responsible for “breaking up the family” and I wrestled with that accusation. We were what some experts call a “looking good” family, for my husband never drank in public or let it affect his job performance—he fell apart, hid his bottles, and lived his craziness in the privacy of our home. So news of a divorce was a shock to our neighbors, friends, and even some of our family. It’s difficult to be sure about the wisdom of such a decision when no one else sees it clearly but you and your kids.
My four kids were 3 to 13 when I initiated the divorce. Their dad, though he was well-employed and had not physically abandoned us as Holly had abandoned Oliver, was “absent” due to alcohol abuse. I had been dealing with the chaos the abuse created in our home for a long time before I took legal action. Still, he insisted I was responsible for “breaking up the family” and I wrestled with that accusation. We were what some experts call a “looking good” family, for my husband never drank in public or let it affect his job performance—he fell apart, hid his bottles, and lived his craziness in the privacy of our home. So news of a divorce was a shock to our neighbors, friends, and even some of our family. It’s difficult to be sure about the wisdom of such a decision when no one else sees it clearly but you and your kids.
 Bearing a burden that was decades old. | But like Oliver, who bore the burden for his parents’ instability, and chose to marry a wanderer like his mother, the roots were in both families of origin. My husband grew up in a house where he had a lot of pressure to excel and a lot of shame when he didn’t measure up. He learned to be defensive, regimented, and bossy; once he reached his teens, if he felt he had underachieved, he self medicated with alcohol. I had grown up in a family that was dysfunctional too. Dad was a rageaholic, his anger growing out of fear, and mom passive-aggressively enabled that behavior. In that environment I learned to assess an emotional situation and give in to the louder, more threatening force, devaluing myself and my needs. We chose each other as partners in part because we fit into roles we recognized. |
Though we made attempts to bring harmony back into our marriage, problems continued and there came I time when I could no longer tolerate what was happening to me or to our children. I prayed to God for guidance and sought the counsel of my pastor. But it was not a time of peace; I blamed myself and suffered panic attacks during the whole process– if only I had been different, I thought, our marriage might have survived, but the truth is, something I didn’t fully comprehend at the time, it takes two people to balance a porch swing or a marriage, and it was apparent only one person wanted to ride.
In the years that have passed since those dark days, there is no question that the divorce was necessary. My life has been busy since then working full time and being a single parent; our home became a safe place, and the kids grew to be “honest and fair and excellent and kind”. Over the years I learned a lot about the factors that had led to our divorce, and managed to forgive my husband, and our parents for creating the situations that affected us –like Christ forgave his persecutors because “they [knew] not what they [were doing]”. The truth is, they were human beings acting out their own learned patterns, and offered love and goodness along with the pain; as Keb’ Mo' says in “One Friend”, there’s both “a sinner and a saint” in each of us. But I still had a difficult time forgiving myself; we’re always hardest on ourselves!
In the years that have passed since those dark days, there is no question that the divorce was necessary. My life has been busy since then working full time and being a single parent; our home became a safe place, and the kids grew to be “honest and fair and excellent and kind”. Over the years I learned a lot about the factors that had led to our divorce, and managed to forgive my husband, and our parents for creating the situations that affected us –like Christ forgave his persecutors because “they [knew] not what they [were doing]”. The truth is, they were human beings acting out their own learned patterns, and offered love and goodness along with the pain; as Keb’ Mo' says in “One Friend”, there’s both “a sinner and a saint” in each of us. But I still had a difficult time forgiving myself; we’re always hardest on ourselves!
 "All I need is one friend..." | But then one day I found Signed, Sealed, Delivered and discovered this good man named Oliver who was hurt by a spouse, facing a divorce, and struggling to forgive himself and her so that he could find the peace that he knew was essential if he were to move forward. More than a decade later I recognized how Oliver was stuck, how I had been stuck, how each of us really had no other choice, and that choice was acceptable; I needed to forgive myself just as Oliver did. I needed to realize that when my heart was most heavy, God had been there loving me and showering me with His mercy, strength, and loving kindness. Without His looking out for this “sparrow”, how would I have survived? |
Martha Williamson has told us in interviews that her intent for Signed, Sealed, Delivered was to explore the struggles a man of faith experiences when things go wrong, when his heart is burdened by problems that don’t seem to be solvable. It’s then, as she says, that he must rely on his belief that God will never leave him, and he must be responsible for his walk with the Lord so that he can continue to live his life. This is the truth that has captivated me, and helped me alleviate my guilt. Every episode and film finds us examining issues, such as this one, that are directly relevant to our lives.
I am particularly drawn to the words in Ann Rutledge’s valentine to Abe Lincoln at the close of From the Heart. She says: “Think of me sometimes as you venture out from this safe little village putting on all the love and all the heartbreaks of our past as gentle armor and stepping out with faith into a troubled world that needs you.” I see the DLO as that safe little village where the love and heartbreaks experienced there in letters or in their personal lives become armor that the POstables, and we, the viewers, can wear when we journey out with faith into a very needy world that can become a “better place” through our actions. It’s a comforting truth that finally healed my still festering wound, and that continually brings me back to the DLO for more of its healing balm.
I am particularly drawn to the words in Ann Rutledge’s valentine to Abe Lincoln at the close of From the Heart. She says: “Think of me sometimes as you venture out from this safe little village putting on all the love and all the heartbreaks of our past as gentle armor and stepping out with faith into a troubled world that needs you.” I see the DLO as that safe little village where the love and heartbreaks experienced there in letters or in their personal lives become armor that the POstables, and we, the viewers, can wear when we journey out with faith into a very needy world that can become a “better place” through our actions. It’s a comforting truth that finally healed my still festering wound, and that continually brings me back to the DLO for more of its healing balm.
Thank you, Marybeth, for sharing your story of truth and healing with all of us.
The Living Letters series will continue as long as there are stories to share. If you would like to contribute something about how Signed, Sealed, Delivered has impacted your life that you'd be willing to share here on A&D, feel free to email me.
The Living Letters series will continue as long as there are stories to share. If you would like to contribute something about how Signed, Sealed, Delivered has impacted your life that you'd be willing to share here on A&D, feel free to email me.
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