Confidence
Before the enemy could attack Oliver’s faith, however, he had to sabotage his confidence, and that’s exactly what happened on Shane’s porch.
Oliver’s virtual silence should, perhaps, not have surprised us. For the first time in his life, Oliver had the chance to keep one of the “women who truly mattered in his life” from leaving him. The problem is Oliver never had the opportunity, nor ever learned, to express that kind of sentiment. Now, when he needs it most, Oliver doesn’t know how to fight for Shane. In fact, Oliver, perhaps accidentally, encourages her to go because “[she] is the best at what [she] does,” only knowing how not to impede her ability to choose. This is a blind spot in Oliver of which the enemy took advantage that night through Steve, who, by comparison, knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. It was through this blind spot that the enemy began to sabotage Oliver.
Disarmed in his ability to fight for Shane, she conveys the confident assurance that “[she’ll] be back,” and that despite failing to make it known, Shane “knew that [Oliver] loved her.” Embedded in her words was the grace to “not be too hard on himself,” for not fighting for her to stay, perhaps not even something she consciously said. It’s God’s way of “getting his attention” and “sending him a message” through Shane, a way to assure Oliver that he would make it through the season to come. He only needed to make the choice to hold onto Shane's words, and, by extension, onto Him. We can know that this was a message exclusively for Oliver because when Oliver does find Gabe he doesn’t share any of these sentiments with him. |
The minute Shane steps inside her home and he is no longer able to “see” her, however, Oliver begins to question, “will she be safe?,” getting that assurance from Steve before he leaves. This is a problem.
The Breakdown
Let’s map Hebrews 11:1 (Note: While it is written left-to-right, I imagine it operating right-to-left):
Faith→ Confidence in things hoped for→ Assurance of things not seen.
In order to have faith, we need to be confident “in what we hope for,” confidence which comes from the “assurances of things not seen.” If we don’t have the “assurance of things not seen,” then we can’t have “confidence in what we hope for,” which undermines faith and leads to doubt. Faith is literally built upon what you cannot see.
The minute Shane is no longer physically present---“not seen”--- Oliver’s assurance, and, by extension, his faith, begins to slip at the moment it should be its strongest. Faith should be strongest because Shane just conveyed that “she knew that [Oliver] loved her,” an assurance of something “not seen,” and attempted to feed his confidence further by assuring him “[she’ll] be back.” But Oliver tied his assurances to Shane’s physical presence, because every other woman that “ever truly mattered” has left him, never to return. Without her physical presence, Oliver can’t be confident in Shane’s intentions towards him, and if he can’t be confident, then faith is impossible. This is why his immediate questions to Steve are a problem, they’re an admission of doubt and the fear that accompanies it. |
God → Faith → Confidence in what we hope for → assurance of what is not seen
To believe in God, we need to have faith, to have faith we need to have confidence in what we hope for, and to have confidence, we need to be assured of what we can’t see. If Oliver isn’t assured of what is not seen, then he ultimately can’t believe God.
As a result, we’re left with this:
God → Faith → Confidence in what we hope for → assurance of what is not seen
Lacking assurance of what is not seen, Oliver becomes stuck creating his own assurances of what is not seen through things he can see and control---the delivery of Gabe’s letter to Hattie, trying to find Hattie, and his fulfillment of his promises to Shane. As a result, Oliver changes the formula for faith: Faith → Confidence in what [Oliver] hopes for → comes from controlling what he can see/outcomes [Oliver’s standard of assurance] |
The consequence is Oliver hyper-focusing on his problem during his season without Shane. His obsession is an outward symptom of the failure of his formula, which only served to perpetuate fear and doubt that Oliver refuses to verbalize until he becomes so overwhelmed with the pain it can’t help but surface.
Crisis
The Insanity Cycle “You do know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?” Obsessing over Gabe’s letter, fulfilling his promise to “handle things” and filling whatever remaining time experimenting with kombucha smoothie recipes, Oliver’s coping mechanism, which I’m dubbing “The Insanity Cycle,” attempted to keep Shane and his hope for her return alive. The cycle looks like this: Hope → Works → Discouragement → Hope → Works → Discouragement |
At the beginning, Oliver seems to hang his hope on the indescribable nature of their first kiss. There was something contained in that kiss worth placing his hope in, despite not verbalizing his feelings to Shane before she left, a standard he revisits each time Papa O’Toole questions him about Shane. It’s also, I imagine, what also drove much of his desire to “handle things,” which we see in the First Cycle.
But even after all that work, Oliver can’t seem to find Gabe. Not only that, but it’s clear that all of his attention---personal and professional---has been consumed by this one letter. What started as hope transitioned from work to discouragement that “it has taken [Oliver, Rita and Norman] four weeks to accomplish what [Shane] might have in a day.” What’s also clear in this scene is that Oliver’s commitment to find Gabe is tied to Shane and the “promise he made to….[her].” A fact he tries, but in reality fails, to conceal.
Notice, however, that when Ramon’s idea to “try music” ultimately pans out, Oliver’s energy returns, and we see him smile for the first time in a long time. And the cycle begins all over.
It’s clear Oliver gets a second-wind of hope as he listens to Gabe speak about Hattie. He, too, comes to believe anything is possible and resists the urge to remain discouraged. The problem is he responds to that hope by throwing himself into locating Hattie---something from which he expects to have another outcome he can see---perpetuating the Insanity Cycle further. Of course, when he can’t produce that outcome, he gets not only tired of searching for Hattie, but tired of waiting. Unable to discern what do to next, neither in his search for Hattie, nor with Shane---having already “handled things”---Oliver takes that frustration out on Shane’s desk, moving it to a corner where he can’t be tortured by its emptiness any longer. Somewhere along the line, and perhaps the entire time, Oliver has been trying to work through his personal problem in his professional pursuit. Problem is, his issue is not with the desk he can see, or the letter he can't deliver, but with the internal pain of missing Shane. This pain contains the fear she will not return, the reality of which he has been externally operating the entire time. |
Fortunately for Oliver, being at the end of himself opened up space for change. Tomorrow, we’ll see how Oliver broke the “Insanity Cycle," with a little help from his friends.
From The Other Side of "Insane,"
~C
The Enemy At The Gate: The Setup | Insanity Cycle | Breaking The Cycle | Letters From War | The Choice | A Promise Made | A Promise Fulfilled | Unlocked